


Of Course

by fcktamlin



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, do you hate happiness prompt, rainy angsty ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 08:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fcktamlin/pseuds/fcktamlin
Summary: Anonymous said:5) "Do you HATE happiness?!" Nessian





	Of Course

He could see the stars in her eyes. He could feel her heart rate rising. Her cheeks were flushed. 

So he spun her again. And again. Then he dipped her. He watched as her hair--undone and twinkling with gems, cauldron boil him--barely grazed the floor. He hauled her back up, closer than he expected. Someone bumped into her and she fell even further into his chest. She gasped. And then her eyes met his. 

He thought he may have died in that moment and flown up to the sky to join the stars. Time stilled. His breath was her breath and he could feel the rise and fall of her chest. He could feel each beat of her heart. Which meant she could feel his.

This realization struck her as soon as it hit him. And she pulled away. The light in her eyes dimmed and cooled, the grey-blue turning back to ice. 

“Thank you for the dance, Cassian.” She smoothed down her hair and turned. But as she began walking away...he couldn’t let her go. So he grabbed her arm.

Her head whipped around and her eyes met his again. A moment passed...and another. 

“Of course,” he finally said. His eyes searched hers for some sort of reassurance. Any lingering warmth. But she turned again before he could see anything and walked out of the club.

He followed her, obviously.

 

\--

 

Why did she walk out? Why was she so afraid of him? What the hell was she doing? 

Nesta was nearly cursing herself out as she walked back to her apartment, a few blocks away from the club she had just exited. Ran away from like a cowardly child more like. 

It was his gods damned eyes. The fire within them and their clear capability to see within her. And his heartbeat. His heart that could’ve, should’ve stopped beating long ago. But by some miracle hadn’t yet. A blessing, a small part of her whispered. The rest of her nearly yelled some foul language aloud in response.

The way he spun her and dipped her, the feeling of his fingers digging into her hips and holding her upright...she needed more. She craved more from him. She craved all of him.

But here she was running away. Like some lunatic. She had nearly reached her doorstep, it was a few feet away. Soon she could hole up and fully cement her weakling status.

And then...salvation. Salvation in the form of her name being called by a deep angelic voice of honey and smoke. So she turned around. 

“Nes,” Cassian breathed, her fae ears barely picking up the sound.

“Don’t call me that,” she replied automatically. But it brought a smile to his face. 

“Okay...Sweetheart.” She rolled her eyes.

He came closer and she braced herself. He noticed her rigidity and paused. Crossing her arms and looking away, she sighed. She couldn’t deal with this now. But to hear his voice, just once more….

“Why’d you go?” he inquired, and even though she couldn’t see him she could feel his eyes softening. 

“I was hot. And tired. And sweaty. And some idiot pushed me. So I decided to retire to my home.” Her words had more venom in them than she really intended. “Is that alright with you, Commander? Do I need your permission to leave?” She finally met his gaze and glared at him, as coldly as she could.

“No, of course not,” he huffed. “But I thought you might have been having some fun, Nesta. I mean, I could see your cheeks flushing and the smile on your face.” That cocky grin spread across his face. She wanted to both slap it off and kiss it. Gods, she was fucked.

“My cheeks were flushed because I was hot. And I smiled because you looked idiotic. It was funny.” She raised her chin in an attempt to appear removed. But he stepped closer and her resolve wavered. 

“We can go out again some time. I mean, I know you’d love to see me really decked out for a night on the town,” he said, winking. Her sneer wasn’t entirely feigned. Even though, of course, he was right. “We can even go to a different club, one that’s more private maybe?” As he said this, he inched closer, until his words were brushing her ear. 

“No. I think you take yourself out to clubs. And I bet you love yourself dressed up more than I ever could.” 

“Do you hate happiness, Nesta?” he demanded, loudly. His eyes searched hers and her breath hitched. She went cold at the truth in his words. “I saw you out there tonight. You were enjoying yourself. You were enjoying my company. I could feel it, Nesta. Why deny yourself this?”

“I don’t hate happiness, you brute. I just prefer--”

“Prefer what?” he cut her off. Her eyes narrowed. “Prefer to be alone forever with your books? To never experience anything for yourself and simply read about love? Why not experience it?” At this last line he reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.

“What, love with you?” She scoffed. “I’d rather starve.” Which was ironic, since she was starved. Starved for feeling, for touch, for affection. The need in her ran so deep it terrified her. 

He stepped back like she had slapped him. His face steeled itself back into a hard resolve. 

“Be careful, Nesta. One of these days, you’re going to push me away and I won’t bother coming back.” And with that he turned around. 

Her mind raced with insults she could throw. But none of them caught any traction so she settled for stomping into her apartment and slamming the door.

The tears fell before she could stop them and soon silent sobs wracked her body. She didn’t even make the effort to sit or move, so there she stood in her foyer, the heels of her hands pressed to her eyes as her body convulsed with grief. 

But then, all of a sudden, as if by a miracle, clarity overcame her. Her tears dried, she straightened, and walked out the door. 

“Cassian!” she called.

Somehow, by the grace of the gods, he heard her and turned around. He was barely visible in the rain that had begun moments earlier. 

“Don’t go.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was from a prompt on tumblr!!! request one if you wish: fck-tamlin.t


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